Don’t Want a Day… Want a Deal!

Dr. Navniit Gandhi
Thursday, March 8, 2018

I am a Woman and like me, there are countless other women out there who do not want Days to commemorate them or to remind them that they are special. We are not special; we are not superior or equipped with super-natural powers; we are neither equal and nor lesser mortals than men or other species are.

We do not need Days. They do not mean anything to me; nothing to million others. They do nothing to change my life; they bring me no joy. Draped in a designer pure chiffon or silk saree with a necklace of pearls adorning my neck and heels that lift my posture, I do not find any substance in attending a seminar or workshop or lecture that will deliberate for hours on the changing role and status of women or a photography exhibition depicting the strength and vulnerability of women.

If all of us are seekers of happiness and meaning in our lives—let us strike a Deal.

Not much… just a simple barter deal.

Do not frown every time I am born. Conversely, there is no need to look cool by rejoicing a little extra because a girl is born. Do not indulge in the cliché routine: buying pink-coloured toys and pillows for me; flooding my room with dolls and later, kitchen-sets. If I desire all of that, let it be my choice. Do not give me an extra dose of warnings as I grow up—embossing on my mind that my body shall always be in danger. Do not inject in me lethal injections of fear and shame. Do you think you can do that?

It’s a deal. Do not send me to the kitchen every time a set of guests arrive at home. Do not make an extra fuss when puberty arrives. Do not stop me from looking with a straight gaze at others and at myself. Teaching me to flutter the eye-lids or keep my gaze down in reverence or shame will not let me have a clear vision for the rest of my years on this planet. As I grow, let my backbone remain erect. Do not place huge loads of expectations on it—that I shall turn out to be fair and slim; that I shall outshine the boys and become a successful doctor or a teacher and at the same time, I shall win the hearts of my husband and his family members with complete ease and perfection. Just let me be… Just let me decide if I wish to become a film actress or join the Army or become a wrestler. Let me live; let me breathe. Why spend millions (all over the nation) discussing the roles and special features of Women when there is nothing special most of us seek and no special privileges we yearn for.

Do not instruct all the time. Let all eyes all the time not be on me. As I handle my physical, emotional, financial and matrimonial decisions, I could err. Everybody makes mistakes; even divine sages and saints have erred. Let me too. There is no such evidence that women end up in misery when they take their affairs in their own hands. Just let me be. Am a normal human being. Let me live like one. Do not ill-treat me as if I was a chained slave and do not idolise me as if I am the queen of mercy, compassion, love, beauty and self-sacrifice.

Want to take the Deal?

I shall give something in return too. I shall honour my side of the bargain. If I am not focussed upon too much and the load of expectations does not kill me, I too shall smile and live. The radiance will surely spread once a significant half of the human race finds its space and serenity. If no cliché ideas are thrust on me, my own ideas shall breathe. My ideas for myself; for the society and the nation at large, could very well bring a ray of hope. Lift the heavy crown from our heads and the head shall hold high many a lofty ideals. Cut the chains that keep us in shackles and we too shall take some significant steps. If we can laugh unbridled and love fearlessly, we could raise our children better. If our deal gives us graceful living, we too shall grace our surroundings with depth and serenity. If we become partners in taking decisions at every level, decisions could make more sense. If I live well, I make lives around me happier.

Most of us do not need flowers or diamonds or dinner-dates on a particular Day. Save all of that expense and simply look up at me as you would look at another human being. Remember, am neither your superior and nor your inferior and nor do I seek parity or equality with you. I am just ‘me’. I am distinct, just as every human being is. Do not generalise; do not try and possess; do not look down upon; do not idolise; do not show mercy and do not expect us to be super-women.
We have our fears and you have yours. Do not label us, therefore, as the timid lot.

We have our strengths and you have yours. Do not expect us to juggle better while multi-tasking. And do not sneer at us, if we drop the ball.

Let us enter into a Deal, and it shall be easier to breathe.

Dr. Navniit Gandhi is an academic, a feature writer and an author, who also counsels and recurrently conducts training workshops. Over 200 feature articles and 7 Books written by her have been published till date. Her most recent publication is a Book titled: Dear Parents, published by BYB Publications, Mumbai in June 2018. She has also authored two Work-books and two e-booklets. She takes lectures/training sessions at Indira Gandhi National Open University (IGNOU), Kuwait and Gurukul—a skill development centre in Salmiya, Kuwait.
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Express your comment on this article

 
Mani
Monday, April 30, 2018
Bravo Navneet Ji....

I literally second that.

Blessed to have TWO SISTERS (they are married and settled) and a daughter (4 years old).

Men might dare to fight (affectionate fight) with mom / grandma / sisters / wife.......but fighting with daughter NOOOO way.....

i still remember how my little sister wished me in a humorous manner when they got a news that iam blessed with girl baby.... i.e hiii bro.... as my marriage was over you thought all your responsibility etc over and now you can rock and flirt around ike a free bird....NOOO here comes another little angel. pull up your socks and be on your toes.

Pearl
Thursday, March 8, 2018
Very bold and outstanding article. Awakening within.
Thanks dear.

Vaishali
Thursday, March 8, 2018
Navniit your are so very right. totally endorse your view

Cheryl Fernandes
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Dear Navnitt,
I like your article very much as I agree that we do not need Women's day or Mother day cause only social media makes money and we are remembered only that day. which should not be. we have a special moment everyday.
I liked this too "We have our strengths and you have yours" it not that only women's are wrong. we all human make mistake and we all go wrong.

Congrats!!
All the best.


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