“Don't change just to make someone else happy, unless that someone is you”
Change is inevitable. It is the very essence of our lives and there is nothing that can stop it. Neither human force nor nature can influence change as it is timeless. It can be as big as a revolutionary idea or as small as a solemn silence, keeping everyone in an abyss of shadows before they even realise it.
Sometimes we create change, sometimes we are the change. Every possible situation out there is also a possible catalyst for something that is happened in the past, that is happening now and will happen in the future. This is a fact of life that one cannot escape from change taking a toll on life from cradle to grave. And I was no exception. The last two months was the catalyst for the entire human race. It has changed our lives to such an extent we have accepted this as the new normal. The changed persona is now an absolute stranger to the person themself.
As I sit and watch over days that pass by into the wilderness, I realize just how little people matter in our lives. It is ridiculous how insignificant we are in our own lives. We are so tied up in the knots we create. Our daily schedule is filled with things we 'need' to do. We pile work so that we are busy. We fill up our agenda with parties to go to, assignments to complete, sleep to miss out on. We prioritize our reputation in society over our relationships with those close to our heart. Specifically, we prioritize society over our own well-being.
I’ve always been mindful of the way I walked and talked and acted outside. So much so that my behaviour within doors was identical to what was presented outdoors. I’ve never had the time to look at what I was doing, at how I was slowly turning myself into a shell of the being I once was. I busied myself with endless tasks. I tasked myself with making sure that I was the perfect child, the perfect friend, the perfect student. But when the lockdown imposed itself on me, I met a person inside me at whom I had never cast a glance before. And I adored her. She was everything I aspired to be.
It was a long journey realizing that, ‘that someone’ was me. I was shocked that I aspired to be me, the one person I hated the most. I finally concluded that I couldn’t be the perfect little goody- two-shoes I was trying to be and ... I was relieved. From experience, I can tell you that there is nothing more depressing than being someone you’re not. Especially when the presumed someone is the most perfect person out there and you know, from the bottom of your heart, that you couldn't be half of what you showed the rest of the world.
But what I could do was change. I could change the perception that others had of me. I realized that I could like myself for me and no one else. I realized I could come to be truly proud of myself. That realization was more than enough.
It was a rapid change after that, I was kinder and less malicious to myself. I stopped putting as much pressure on myself as I always did. I took the naps that now felt rightly deserved. I spoke my mind when I felt like. I did what I wanted and no longer took refuge behind that pretence of being perfect. And then for the first time in 14 years, the chains that once bound me could not hold me back. I was free. And how I loved the joy of being free.
Change is both a lovely and a disastrous thing, and sometimes it is the intoxicating feeling of being alive. Ironically, man is clad in a false persona. As William Shakespeare rightly said, “All the world’s a stage. And all the men and women merely players”. Nevertheless, if two months can have such an impact on my life, how much more ‘change’ would a lifetime bring?